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90 days of no sex. This is what several porn addiction counselors prescribe for addicts and their spouses during the initial months of recovery. Why is this? Is this really necessary?
For many Christian counselors, this abstinence period is recommended as a time to intentionally de-throne the idol of sexual gratification. For many porn addicts, sex is life to them. Intimacy is about sex and nothing else.
A sexual fast disciplines the man or woman obsessed with sex to remember that sex is not a need. It may feel like a need, but it is not. A sexual fast can also be helpful for the man or woman who finds it impossible have sex without pornographic fantasies dominating his or her mind.
For someone with an obsessive porn habit or an addiction, the focus has been on personal and immediate gratification. The people in porn are used; the porn user gives nothing. Especially for men, porn equates to selfishness that typically extends to their marital life. This even includes the overemphasis men can have of their sexual performance, pride or fear about their prowess, and where sexual performance is equated to their manliness. (The Porn Circuit, 33)
This is so helpful, my husband just the other day came clean to me about his addiction. we have been married almost three years and it just about broke me. Both the feeling of being cheated on and the countless lies. He really feels that seeing me in so much pain and confessing is a huge turning point and really desires to change. I know he is telling the truth about his desire and we have now put a lot of rules in place. We talked about doing a sexual fast and this article has been so insightful. I really like how you touched on both the fact that it is good to re wire the brain but also re wire the relationship and re build intimacy that was stolen by the addiction to sex and porn. I saw your comment about long make out sessions during the fast but what about things like holding hands, giving a kiss, etc? Should the fast be from complete physical affection? Should that affection just come slowly and progress slowly? Any advice is appreciated.
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1. It can raise your expectations from your partnerA study, published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, found that women who watched porn tend to compare their partners to porn stars, thereby, expecting more from them.
This can actually backfire, considering porn movies are just fantasies being played out and in the real world, a guy making a woman literally squirt at every go or simply getting an orgasm ten times himself is not even possible!
Ms. Maxwell may also have a legitimate ground for an appeal to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals. After the verdict, a juror disclosed that they had not told the Court during jury selection about having been a victim of a sexual assault. Judge Nathan (the trial judge) denied a motion for a new trial on that basis, and Maxwell will almost certainly pursue that argument on appeal.
These changes will have a huge impact on Title IX sexual harassment/assault proceedings on college campuses. Previously, in connection with complaints of sexual assault to school administrators, student/complainants would give their version of events (one way or another) during an investigation and/or hearing, and the accused would have the ability to give his/her version of events. However, there would be no confronting of the witnesses by the adverse parties. Moreover, the standard of proof was so low, the administrators so risk-averse and generally sympathetic to victims, and the elements of an actionable offense were so broad that successfully defending against these accusations was exceptionally difficult. As a practical matter, accused students generally lost and were disciplined or expelled. However, many students complained that the trials were akin to the Salem witch trials, with no due process and no real chance to win. Indeed, lawsuits were filed by accused students in federal courts across the country, and so many of them persuaded courts that they had been denied due process during Title IX investigations that these changes by the current administration may have been an inevitable response to the litigation.
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